Tending a dead garden

I visited my sister's church the beginning of June and they sang 'Made for More' by Josh Baldwin. I had heard and even sang along to it many times in the car but that Sunday it hit me in such a profound way. 

The chorus is:        

"'I wasn't made to be tending a grave
I was called by name
Born and raised back to life again
I was made for more
So why would I make a bed in my shame
When a fountain of grace is running my way
I know I am Yours

And I was made for more"       

I saw a vivid vision while singing the song at the church. I saw many people standing in front of dead gardens holding a hose watering them. The sky was dark gray. There was no hope. The gardens were indented into the ground. Each person had a hopeless, dead stare as they watered. Their shoulders were hunched over and their bodies turned in on themself. The water kept coming out but no matter how much water was flowing, the gardens were completely dead and dried out. The people did not look up, they just continued to stare forlorn into their dead gardens, lost in themselves. 

They had accepted that this was were they would stay. Their dreams were dead, their lives unfulfilled. There was no more hope. The very depths of their souls were full of despair. They wanted to cry out, to beg for "more" but they had no more tears to cry. They had completely resigned to living this life, broken, defeated, drained. It broke my heart. 

I saw the 'fountain of grace,' it was more of a large stream running parallel to their dead gardens but they couldn't see it because they did not look up. I heard the water bubbling and gurgling, refreshing as it raced along. The sun was shining bright, bouncing off the water sending rainbow spray in every direction. The banks were covered with the brightest green grass and wildflowers. It was so beautiful!! 

I wanted to go to each person and shake them. I wanted to take their hand and lead them out of the grayness, into the sunshine and the stream of Grace. I wanted to see each one submerge themselves in it. I wanted to see the despair and shame washed off of them. I wanted to see them come up out of the water refreshed, clean, filled with hopes and dreams again. Smiling bright, reaching hands upward, praising their creator.

I wept. 

I wept as I realized I too was one of those tending a dead garden. My dreams buried and dried up. I wept knowing there was so much more for me. I wept because I too had lost the ability to see the stream of Grace rushing near me. I was aware that if I only moved a few feet off to the side, I could stumble into the stream. If only I could set the hose down and slowly lift my eyes up, I could see it. If only I allowed my ears to be opened, I could hear the rushing, refreshing water. 

"I wasn't made to be tending a grave." I was never made to live in hopelessness. I am a child of the most high God. I am a daughter of the King. I am chosen, called, anointed to do great things. How could I have allowed myself to have gotten lost tending a dead garden? How could I allow my dreams to be put to rest in a dry grave? How could I allow my bright light to be damped to the point of almost complete darkness? Who have I become? Where was that bright girl that once dreamed big. She had walked with authority and knew she could make the devil tremble when she prayed? What had become of her?  

Do I have an answer to that? 

When I think about it I know there are many things that have cluttered up my very being. Time, life, this world, age, so many things pick and pull at my soul. So many unimportant things steal my worth. 

I am not talking about my general "life" here. I really have been given a very blessed life. I have absolutely all I need. Wonderful kids that want me a part of their lives. A loving, caring husband that has always encouraged me to chase my dreams. I am talking about a soul issue, the innermost parts of my being.

How do we find our way back? How do we move into the stream of Grace? How do we dream again? 

I believe it starts by coming back to our first love. I keep hearing the spirit speak to me about letting go of all the things that have cluttered my soul. He is asking me to return to where it all started. To remember why I joined hands with Christ to begin with. He wants to strip away all the busyness, the clutter, the junk, I've accumulated.  

I think we have to start by throwing up our hands. Sounds to easy right? We need to have complete surrender. We need to let go of the many things that cloud our souls. The things we hold tightly to, believing they make us happy, satisfied, fulfilled. But in reality they drain the very essence of who we were created to be. 

I know the best way to start to let go of the 'garden hose' is through worship. Get away for a little bit. Close yourself in a room, take a drive, a walk. Just get by yourself. Find worship music that moves your heart. Whatever it is put it on. Throw up your hands. When we raise our hands we have to let go of what they are holding! We can't raise them if they are full of the "water hose." 

Write-write about the very beginnings of your relationship with Christ. Write about the very first feelings you had. Write about the clean feeling that completely engulfed your soul when you said YES to Christ. Ask for that again! Ask Christ to clean all the things that have filled your soul. Ask the holy spirit to move back in! Allow yourself a complete time of renewal. 

Stop lying to yourself. Stop pretending you enjoy standing over that dead garden. That you enjoy tending YOUR grave. 

COME to the stream of Grace. Jump in! Feel the rushing, chilly water completely wash you clean! Lay along the soft banks, feeling the warm sun on your face as you worship God from a Soul refreshed and renewed. 

Galation 5:1 "Christ has truly set you free. Now make sure you STAY FREE!!"

*I asked ChatGPT to generate a picture of the vision I had*